Familiar Touch

An older, elegant woman carefully selects a dress to wear before preparing professional looking open faced sandwiches in her well appointed small kitchen. We notice, however, that she's put one slice of toast in the dish rack. When her guest arrives, she is surprised he seems to know so much about her, like the name of her deceased husband, when she doesn't even know what he does for a living. When told he is an architect, Ruth (Kathleen Chalfant, "Old," TV's 'The Affair') replies that her father builds houses and they he will meet him soon. But Steve (H. Jon Benjamin, voice of Bob, TV's 'Bob's Burgers') has taken this woman, his mother, to tour memory assisted living arrangements and she has no realization that that is where they are headed today despite his "Familiar Touch."

Laura's Review: A-

Writer/director Sarah Friedland's feature debut was inspired by her own experience visiting her beloved grandmother in a care facility and as a caregiver herself for a sculptor with dementia. It is unusual in that we experience everything from Ruth's point of view, rather than those caring for her, and while Ruth may not remember some things, she is still a vibrant and creative woman capable of forming new relationships and navigating new environments. Another interesting aspect of "Familiar Touch" is that it was filmed in Pasadena California's Villa Gardens retirement community with many of its residents and caregivers participating in the film both on screen and behind the scenes. And there is more to consider floating around the film's edges, subjects such as wealth, race and class.

Ruth doesn't question the 'surprise' Steve promises, even when he reenters her house and returns with a suitcase under false pretenses. When they arrive at Bella Vista, Ruth believes they are checking into a hotel, an illusion bolstered by the facility's inviting lobby. Steve's parting is awkward once Ruth realizes she is being left somewhere and when Vanessa (Carolyn Michelle) attempts to help her settle into her room, she is rebuffed - gently and politely but firmly. Ever sensitive, Vanessa retreats to the hallway.

Ruth is perplexed during her first mealtime, advising another diner that she has a chip clip in her hair and asking why she hasn't received a menu ('This isn't a restaurant,' she is told, 'it is a dining room'). Ruth takes it upon herself to enter the kitchen where the cook (Mike G., "The Way Back") takes her presence in stride as she sets to work creating fresh fruit salads, serving one to the doctor, Brian (Andy McQueen, Spike Lee's upcoming "Highest 2 Lowest"), she rattled off a borscht recipe to earlier, questioning whether someone with memory loss would have been able to recite it.

Both Vanessa and Brian appear to genuinely care about Ruth, treating this woman who converses easily and intelligently as a friend, almost conspiratorial about their professional roles in her life as if in on a joke. It is notable that they, as well as that adaptable cook, are black in a facility whose residents are predominantly white. After sharing a moment with Vanessa, comforting her on the loss of her mother, Ruth notes that she could match Vanessa up with her brother who is 'very active in civil rights protests.' At one point, Ruth observes the two outside from her window as Brian tells Vanessa about caring for his grandmother but not being able to afford 'a geriatric country club.' After assuring Vanessa she's 'got it from here' at a Valentine's Day party, Ruth panics after learning from another resident that her floor is called 'memory lane' and she should only date men from other floors. She runs out, past an office where Vanessa has her back turned, speaking with Brian. A Whole Foods cashier figures out where she must have come from and calls Bella Vista. A frank talk ensues when Vanessa and Brian pick her up, Ruth feeling betrayed about not having been told her prognosis as Vanessa explains that their realities are not the same and 'that's OK,' but there has been a change in their relationship. Suddenly Vanessa is departing for a job as a Health and Wellness director and whether the two incidents are related or not is left for us to decide.

Chalfant engages from the start, her actions and words deliberate, her movements flowing - at one point she will follow another resident who is using a walker up a dim hallway, mimicking the woman's movements ('left, right') as if skating on ice. Cinematographer Gabe Elder frequently shoots her in close-up, observing her hands, or her face, eyes closed, as she floats in a pool ('Oh, it's you my friend,' she'll say upon opening them, seeing the upside down face of Vanessa leaning over her). Her moment of realization is heart breaking, as if a bubble has burst among three friends, but there she will grant forgiveness with a compliment and a denial. Equally fine are Michelle and McQueen and Benjamin, who resembles Mandy Patinkin, proves here he is capable of more than voice work, his Steve as patient and compassionate as the professionals.

In fact, the film ends on notes both high and low, Steve visiting and enticing Ruth into dancing to Dionne Warwick's 'Don't Make Me Over' (the film has no score) with an amusingly seductive solo, Ruth engaging Brian in a conspiratorial smile from across the room as she clasps Steve's back. But Friedland leaves us with yet another consideration in her last scene, a caregiver wearing mask and gloves preparing to bathe Ruth, COVID about to change her world once again. "Familiar Touch" is a special film, as elegant in its production as its leading lady.

Robin's Review: B+

Octogenarian Ruth (Kathleen Chalfont) lives her day to day life quite well. But, when the doorbell rings and she lets in a somewhat familiar face, she does not recognize her son, Steve (H. John Benjamin). He is there to take her to the new place “that we talked about” in “Familiar Touch.”

Films about the elderly and the prospect of dementia take on, to me, a negative view about aging – or, making it the fodder for a horror film, like “The Rule of Jenny Penn (2024)“ with a horrific John Lithgow terrorizing the aged residents in an assisted living facility.

Fortunately, first-time feature director Sarah Friedland takes the subject matter seriously and, with “Familiar Touch,” gives a thoughtful look at dementia through the eyes and mind of Ruth, played by the captivating Kathleen Chalfont, who both resents and accepts the new life her son imposed on her. Steve, by the way, is a drop-her-off-at-the-door-and-be-done-with-her type of son who leaves early on and shows up but once – and that is to tell her he is selling her house. Nice guy, right? No.

What makes this a believable work about aging, the elderly and dementia is the film’s locale. Much of it was filmed at Villa Gardens, a Continuing Retirement Care Community in Pasadena California with both residents and staff serving as extras. This gives the film the true organic feel of assisted living, albeit, the Gardens is a big step up for those who have a negative view of assisted living – they even have a pool!

Kathleen Chalfont, a “new” face to me, is a marvel as Ruth. She gives a layered performance that, though you know she is not-so-early stage dementia, her lucid, with-it moments are effectively portrayed. At one point, she shows up in the facility’s kitchen and begins preparing breakfast for the residents. Instead of being upset with her, the staff appreciates the mothering she provides. It is a layered performance and always a pleasant surprise, even as reality overwhelms.
Having dealt with assisted living for our parents, I was also impressed by those playing the health care staff and some of the residents (especially Carolyn Michelle and Andy McQueen as caregivers and Joahn Webb, as Ruth’s fellow resident and friend, Pearl.)

As we get older, the prospect of infirmity and dementia become real possibilities. Sarah Friedland, though, gives us old folk the hope that things might not be so bad

Music Box Films released "Familiar Touch" in NY on 6/20, rolling out in subsequent weeks.  Click here for theaters and playdates.